Puzzled

So i grabbed myself a book, picked a comfy spot on the floor by a pillar, rested my back against it, opened that book in my hand and tried to make some sense out of the words before me. This may sound kinda silly but i barely understand the author’s intentions with those stories, in spite of the fact that i could almost understand each and every word fairly well, i just couldn’t get a good grasp of what the book was all about.

Maybe it’s got something to do with my mind being preoccupied with one too many things. Emotions that disrupted my flow of thoughts, which, effectively preventing me from processing my reading effort into logical and organised information in my brain.

Then, i felt your presence. Your pink shoes with bright stones embedded on it were inches away from my sitting position. And before i could look up and further catch a glimpse of you as a whole, my ear picked up on the ‘what are you reading?’ question, followed by you squatting down to be in the same level with my line of sight, waiting for an answer from me to satisfy your little curiosity there.

…But No, as much as i would like this to be a beautiful fairy tale with a perfect happy ending, i couldn’t freeze-framed this moment of warmth and fuzziness, nor that i could delay its dissolvement.

............................................

The rest of the day went on with me trying to inject some energetic and cheerful vibe among us. We were at the movies sharing a bottle of mineral water plus a pack of popcorn. We went for a late dinner after the movies, where you kept pestering me to eat my food- sample your lasagna- eat those cakes that we ordered- tell me about the life you got going now and complaining about me being way too quiet and not telling you much about anything...All these and more, almost at the same time.

Forgive me for not being able to kill my uneasiness throughout the night and brought myself to enlighten your mind with anything meaningful.

I think i am suffering from some degree of disorientation and inexplicably lost my ways around you. Can't quite figure out how and why, i just somehow felt the way i did.

The conversation between us had seemed to grown less engaging than ever on my part. Didn’t know the appropriate things to say, or how to say it, anymore, when we were together, at least not like the way it used to be.

And worse—I don’t know what to make of you, My Dear You.

Pardon me,

I am now opting for the self-withdrawal method…Such loser I am.

All apologies.........