One More Step in Self-discovery

Hey you know what, I have a rather amusing discovery about myself lately.

After some intense course of self-observation, I end up with this conclusion about myself.

I can tell people what I think…without telling them how I feel.

Strange isn’t it. How can one express his opinion without exposing his feeling?

Strange but true.

Don’t know how & why…

I guess it is just one of those things that people do.

I think of it as ‘Self-Protective-Mode’.

One which I initiate almost all the time.

This thing we called FEELING is indeed a very intrigue subject.

You Gotta Be Cruel To Be Kind

Such pessimism coming over me.

If I happened to hurt anyone of your feeling, I am truly sorry. Really.

You see I am actually doing all of you a favour by pushing you all away. So far away…to a distance that any of your action won’t affect me emotionally.

This way I won’t end up hating you people whenever anyone do some hurtful thing to me and cause me pain, whether it is intentional or not. I am done giving in to all feelings of negativity, for the sake of my own good, and most importantly…Yours. You won’t have to bear with my attitude and be burnt by it cos you are so out of the proximity.

No Feeling—No Care—No Hurt—No Heartsick.

I care about all of you, which is the exact reason I have to push you all away.

HOW IRONIC.

Something YOU Ought to Know

Don't know any better way to say this...so i'm just gonna go ahead and say it anyway.

When was the last time we actually sit down together and have a heart to heart talk?

Seems like ages ago...I know i'm exaggerating it but that is how i really feel.

It's not that we are not having any conversation with each other anymore...but you know what...the thing is...it had made me feel even worse.

I guess you are too occupied with other matters, u know, things with higher priority that require more of your attention. Which i think is the reason why you keep saying "I have to go" whenever we supposedly got a chance to talk.

I am not a bright person, this i admit. But i think i can somehow get the idea that i am such a nuisance to you that you don't even wanna waste your breath and more importantly, your extremely precious time on a person like me. Yeah, point taken, you ain't got time for me!

Though got no idea what exactly triggered this feeling in you, i hope i am wrong but if this is the case, i guess i better stay away from you. Leaving you alone might be the cure? I don't know.

Unwillingly & Reluctantly.

YOU know who YOU are.

Movie?Any1?

InitialD!!!

Any1 wanna accompany me to watch it?
Cause i haven't seen it yet....sigh....

InitialD!!!

Here it comes....

Can Y'all Resist The Hype?
DDDdddrift Away!!! My Man!!!

NATURAL HIGHS

I am a much happier human being under any of these circumstances below:

1—Being in love.

2—Being the receiving end of a sincere compliment.

3—Being able to keep promises made to others.

4---Being cared by people whom I myself happens to have deep feeling for.

5---Laughing out so very loud till the face hurts.

6---Locate a great shopping bargain.

7---Achieving personal goals.

8---Hearing a favourite tune from radio/in the club.

9---Come across an exciting , mind provoking lines from books.

10—That "3-letter-word"………..Go Figure!

So….What you reckon?

RELATIONSHIP OR RELATIONSHIT?

The greatest joy in life could turn out to be the worst pain that haunt us forever.

What am I talking about?

It’s the 4-letter-word…

No…Not that dirty word…You fool! Fxxk…What were you thinking?

It’s L-O-V-E!

What about love?

For starters, it’s the one thing that I really want but can never get.

Those people that I really like is either attached to someone else or don’t feel the same way I feel or worst…Don’t even know I am alive…

That makes me feel kinda bad all the time…self pity I would say.

Gone were the days I got so attached with my significant other , which , turned out to be a disaster cos when the whole thing started to fell apart , so did i…me and my life.

It’s ironic that the people you used to love so much could become the human being that you hated the most on the face of the earth. What happened in between? The feeling of Love is such an intrigue subject.

The funny thing is…I guess I’ve never really got over the whole thing yet. The horrible feeling still lingers around and would ambush me occasionally , even after all these times.

As a result , I’m a complete coward/loser/sucker when it comes to this subject…I’m so haunted by the past.

Too much of thinking with no action doesn’t do me any good either.

I am alone.

And scare…to express my feelings.

Plus a little bit frustrated with my inability in this matter.

Can somebody help?

What am I gonna do?

Allow me to end this so I can steal some time to think.

…..Or not!

Why think when I am apparently….HOPELESS!

Lending a Helping Hand

A noteworthy event took place in my life the other day…or at least it is significant in my own right.

She was having problem trying to do a write-ups for some supposedly important document. And out of some many people on the face of the earth , she came to me for advice. Though ain’t no expert in the field of journalism , I whole-heartedly took on the challenge , believing that I would have no trouble to pull that off , it’s only a matter of putting a strings of word together after all , no biggie deal.

At the end of the day, the job was done beautifully over a course of laughter , teasing with each other and a whole lot of word struggling. Most importantly , the receiving end of the document was nothing but impressed by the outcome , she got praised for a job well done… And as for me , I got a big smile from her , aside being thanked by her repeatedly…. Everyone’s a winner.

However , in my own opinion , the clear winner of all this….would be none other than me….hands down. The warm and fuzzy feeling of being appreciated for an action of good will was indeed priceless. It’s amazing how a simple words or actions will bright up ones day…the purest form of happiness I would say.

Oh…wait a minute…did I tell you that I have feelings for HER?

I guess I just did.

Me...Myself...& I

Well well well, what better way to kick off my posting on this blog than providing a low-down about my lousy-self.

Indeed I'm gonna do just that.

Ah...this ain't gonna be an easy task...even for myself.

See I'm constantly questioning my own personality/character (if I have any). Up until today, after spending twenty over years of my worthless & pathetic life on the face of this earth, I still can't decide whether I am calm or aggressive, super confident or low self-esteem, emotionally stable or terrible mood swings...I could probably go on and on with such list of contradiction about myself, but I'd rather not....

At this point, I think I could almost hear the yawn of all you out there who happen to be reading this right now. It is not my intention to induce snore among all of you...the seemingly unsolvable state of bad traffic in KL can probably do a better job on this.

Are you confused yet? I am. One tend to lose grip in the times of struggling with ownself, is it called identity crisis, doubtful-minded, inconfident?...Whatever. The truth is, the attitude of negativity creeps on me and attack when I'm least expected. Day or night, rain or shine, whether I like it or not, making me emotionally vulnerable and worst, pissed off and angry with everyone around me, which subsequently, turned me into an extremely difficult companion to keep.

So now it's all clear that why I would named this blog in such a peculiar way... I think it really suits me well and most importantly, it is so very catchy and cool and attention grabbing. IT IS WHO I AM!!!

On that note...until the next posting...TATA!

Now if you excuse me, I gotta go do some more soul searching, to find some elements of inspiration for my next article.

I am officially ending these ramblings of mine..... for now.