So what if you will never find out about this--Im just gonna say it anyway

So what’s the fuss about this feeling of uneasiness in me right now?

Apparently something has snucked up on me and resides a corner of my mind.

Perhaps this is about you.

The lingering thought of you, or rather, the urgency of me to spill guts about the way you still makes me feel, even though everything should have ended from that very moment I decided to completely isolate myself from your realm.

So here I shall translate my mind into written words for the sake of telling, for the sake of getting things out of my system, and most importantly, for the sake of turning the page and move on.

Though I am almost certain that whatever message conveyed here will probably never get past this writing--For you never care to spend a minute or two reading anything I wrote…

Anyway, Happy Birthday! Is what I really meant to say.

Ya It’s your birthday---I might be 2 weeks late on delivering this line, but nevertheless, Happy Birthday to you.

There! I said it.

It doesn’t matter whether you will ever capture this or not.

The whole point of this is to acknowledge an emotion I had and be over it, once and for all.

----------------------------

I guess now would be a good time to place a FULL STOP here—on this writing, on my mixed feelings.

And on us!

I survived the WorldCup season!

One heck of a trophy; One hell of a month.

32 nations of finalists; 64 exciting matches; 147 great goals.

Whole lots of ups and downs, countless happy cheers and upset roars.

We don’t call it The Beautiful Game for nothing.

On the other hand, things aren’t so beautiful for our less-than-lovely WorldCup mascot GoleoVI-the-lion & his sidekick Pille-the-football.

I mean, Goleo my dear, please put on some pants for goodness sake, don’t you feel cold in between your legs? and why are you messing with that weird ball with eyes and mouth on it? No offense Pille, but i think a talking ball with full set of face expressions like you is too much for us to handle.

.
.
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Now that the dust had finally settled, and we have a new world champion!

.

I am gonna miss messing up my biological clock with sore eyes or the lack of sleep or being addicted to coffee, all of this just to be able to stay up late in front of the TV and yell GOAL in the middle of morning like nothing else in the world matters.

So tell me, what am I gonna do with all the spare time I'm gonna have after everything is over?

--Search for a new cause to fill up the lost and emptiness inside, I guess?

*snaps finger* *change scene*

My life shall revert back to the default mode of being normal, boring and unexciting now.

Which also means that I should start worrying about that bet I took up and subsequently lose in the WorldCup.

It was a kinda cool and funny experience to be arguing about football with the member of the opposite sex, not so cool or funny about losing the bet to them though.

But it was all good at the end of the day, something different to make it all even more memorable.

With all this being said, I shall emphasised the moral of my story: DON’T BET!

Anyway, perhaps i should try anything and everything in my ability to honor the said bet, just so I could avoid running the risk of being accused as ‘un-man-ly’ or ‘lousy guy’…

Or should i?
Hmmmm…. Now that’s a thought for me to occupy my spare time with…

What you should do during those downtime of the WorldCup

…Besides watching replay and match highlight?

Catch up with some nap time?...NOT!

Catch up with friends and families?...NOT!

Catch up with those outstanding job assignments at work?...NOT!

No!No!No! None of the above!

You should refresh, broaden or update your knowledge about the Game, that’s what any self-respecting football fan should be placing on top of their to-do list.

Any other forms of human activity shall be deemed as redundant on times like these.

So, Don’t go asking me again about how i never seemed to get enough of sleep lately.

(eat, drink, sleep & READ football!!)


Now if you excuse me, i’ve got tons of read-ups to be done with.

Mid-Year-Crisis?

There’s a divergence right in front of me now, and either way seems equally misleading to me.

I am kinda lost and disorientated; I don’t know which route I should take.

What kind of face should i put on to get this through?

...i think what i am trying to say here is--

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Damn! Half A Year Is Gone!

(I wanna compensation! i wanna reimbursement!.. for my lost time!...give me back my 2006 in FULL!)

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Are There Any Event of Glory, Accomplishment or Even Self-Gratification Took Place Within This Period of Time In My Account?

I doubt so.

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Shall i be

A Cheerful OPTIMIST?---Or A Hopeless PESSIMIST?

Shall i think of it as

Half a year is still left?---Or Half a year has disappeared?

Maybe

The glass is half-full?---Or The glass is half-empty?

Perhaps i should

Be happy with what i have?---Or Bemoaning of what i could’ve been?

??????????????????????????????

Urgh! “Mid-Year-Crisis” suck big time!

Worry not, cause i won’t bail on you, ever.

Could my random and occasional thought of you been so strong? that, you somehow pick up these senses from the air around you, then decided to pick up the phone, and teasingly lodged a complaint of me on the other side of the line for not calling you as often as i used to be.

In my defense—I am sooo very meant to call you, from time to time, every so often-ly.

It is just that sometimes when you tell me about how demanding your personal life really is and how preoccupied you are with all those people of high significance around you. It sort of trigger off that undeserving feelings in me that you time is too precious to be spent on me; that you have far more important matter to attend to; that there are others who should be receiving more attention from you than me.

Which makes me reluctantly take a few steps back to clear the path, to NOT get in the way of anything.

Yes—I have every reason to be reluctant. There are certain things in life we just couldn’t let go easily.

For one, lines like this courtesy of you:

“tell me some stories, i wanna hear your stories...”

It could just be a plain line slotted in between a meaningless piece of conversation to most people, but i chose to interpret it to my own favor—that there are real people around me that would actually take interest in me.

I could be wrong; Perhaps i am a bit over imaginative on this, but nevertheless, it always leaves a deep impression in me that i am worthwhile of knowing and should be known and understand a little better to you.

So, to me, these words are not just words anymore--They are the sign of heartfelt sincerity, the kind that i can unmistakably hear and feel, and the kind that I would have a tough time to get over with.

Hence the reluctance and struggle in me.

Of being distant to the warm and fuzzy feelings you always gave me.

However...

Tonight, i don’t know what to make of this situation.

I mean, i am sooo glad you called, even happier that it was my number you chose to dial instead of many other numbers on your phonebook, most excited that we finally get to see each other again after quite a while.

But upset and unhappiness had a hand in those act, right? Cause your eyes and the tone of your voice said so.

You are lost, confused, in great dilemma.

You don’t like to be hurt, nor that you wanna be hurtful to that relationship.

You said that you are going to dissolve the lingering taste of sourness in your mouth, and opt for that new breath of fresh air that willingly present itself to you for your taking.

To which i should've responded by re-using this phrase that i told you long time ago before, but never quite managed to convert it to spoken words this time, in fear of ruining the air of calmness we were trying to maintain the whole night.

“i got your back no matter what!”

Sounds familiar right?

I had this line, but what did i do instead? Made dumb face and cracked lousy jokes.

So much for being caring and compassionate...

For what its worth, the offer above still stands, and i doubt it will ever expired.

Remember that, will You?

This is what happen when you are not being punctual enough

Bloody hell...

I just got off from here:

(people, please spare me a seat, would you?)

Just look at the enormous size of the World Cup watching crowd at a local mamak stall outlet in my neighbourhood. I should’ve come out early to secure myself a spot in here, that way i wouldn’t have to practically STAND through the whole match--since turning my back on a critical and decisive match is not an option at all. *sore legs*

I think the owner of this place should be laughing all the way to the bank after this world cup season—More patrons=More revenue!

Makes me wonder whether i should quit my job as a corporate slave to start a mamak stall business right away...

Anyway, the result should justify my effort of planting my leg on the roadside, which is next to a busy dusty dirty main road, for nearly three lousy hours.

My favourite team won hands down against the opponent in the penalty shootout!!!

By the way, i almost felt sorry for all the supporter of the other team. Ahahahahaha.